I am spending my child support on dildos
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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