Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
