moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She bit a glass in half.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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