Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
