I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
