I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize