Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
