Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
