I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
