i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize