I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
so let's talk penis.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
