My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
