Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
