remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Your dad touched me again.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize