This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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