After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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