The brown eye won't let me do that either.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I need to align my fucking chakras
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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