i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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