Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
