I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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