I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
