Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
