She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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