just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
