Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
