He uses pillows to masturbate.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize