Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
