fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
