still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
