in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
