Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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