A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
