Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
