i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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