So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
