Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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