Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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