Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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