i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
