so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
