He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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