Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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