tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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