I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize