so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
