this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
