Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize