he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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