By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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