I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
