she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
