How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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