there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
