i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
