i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Couch. On fire.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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