you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
