I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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