Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
