my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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