I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
