guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My life is pants optional.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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