marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
