i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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