How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
