Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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