Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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