Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize