you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
