I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we have pet lesbian snakes
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I accidentally burped into my bong.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
