If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
