i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
