I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
