this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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