Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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