i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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