you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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