That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
