That's intense
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
