Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
