another moral hangover. fuck.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
