at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize