Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
