Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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