You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
