is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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