I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize