What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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