Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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