"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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