Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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