So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
