what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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