I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
