I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
