she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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