I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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