Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
