Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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