you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
