Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
