Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
